One of my favorite "Far Side" cartoons...This boy is in school, and he says something to the effect of "Miss Johnson, may I leave? My brain is full".
I feel like that sometimes. There's just so much to be concerned about, not necessarily worrying about, just concerned. I'm concerned about (not necessarily in priority order) Ani's condition and her future, our house being built and the finances, Mom's condition, the ongoing grief over the loss of Nate.
Sometimes it feels like my brain is full, or at least at 100% processor utilization (hey, I'm a geek, that's my language). I find myself sighing, or kinda moving along like a robot. Sometimes it happens while I'm driving, and I'm on autopilot, I shake myself up so that I can assert more concentration so that I'm driving more safely.
See, I don't know what it really means to "give it to God", whatever that's supposed to mean. I have earthly responsibilities and I must fulfill them, so understandably they occupy my mind. I suppose what it really means is more along the lines of trust, or releasing the paralyzing worry factor. I think about the "Be still, and know that I am God", and how to live that. Maybe it's really kind of like "Do your job, I'm with you, don't worry yourself to death". I find that many of these things are understandable in a rational sense, but become very difficult when you are in a deep emotional well.
2 comments:
100% processor utilization...hmm
can you upgrade?
I think that you do have a job and you do have responsibilities. You can pick colors for the house, you can't heal Ani, you can provide a house full of love and attention and be an advocate for your daughter, but you can't change your mom's situation. There are things that we don't have any control over and things that we do. God continually asks us "do you trust me?" This perhaps is the easiest question to answer in theory but the most difficult to put into practice.
Jerry, you are an incredible father and provider and friend. Grant yourself the grace that has been given to you and switch off once in a while. Do something for you and let God handle the world. You deserve those times.
-T
-T....well said!
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