You...

I touched your hair, but didn't feel your warmth.
I said goodbye, but your ears didn't hear me.
I cried out for you, but you were far, far away.
Ani couldn't say goodbye, and I am sorry for that, for both of you.
I wish I could be shown a glimpse of you now, shining, loving.
I've been thinking of you a lot over the past couple days.
I need to cry sometimes, and I do.
I don't need to cry to remember that I love you, it's impossible for me to forget.
I need to cry, as an action.
As an expression.
As an earthly reminder that you are elsewhere, and I want to be with you.
Just as my voice aches to say your name, my soul requires me to cry to somehow connect with you.

At the same time...

I am two people so often... I am astoundingly happy having Micah in our family, while punishingly sad that he can't meet Nate here on Earth. I am thrilled to hear of other children's achievements, while grieving whenever I hear of injuries or deaths of small children. I am so proud of how far Ani has come since the injury, yet want so much more for her. I tell Ani that it's not possible to fully tell her how much I love her, yet I am as one within my song and guitar when I use music to do so. I pray so often every day for Ani's healing, and try so hard to remain faithful when the answer is "not yet". I have very positive intuitions about Ani's future (and even Visions), yet too fearful to allow myself to believe and find peace in them.

Before I die...

God grant me the prayer of Ani's words before I die. That will truly be my heaven on Earth.


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Best therapy in a long time...

The best therapy I've had in a long time is Micah yelling "Daddeeeeeeeee!!!!" and running up to me. My goodness my little boy, how you've helped us. I'll try and explain that to you some day.