At the same time...

I am two people so often... I am astoundingly happy having Micah in our family, while punishingly sad that he can't meet Nate here on Earth. I am thrilled to hear of other children's achievements, while grieving whenever I hear of injuries or deaths of small children. I am so proud of how far Ani has come since the injury, yet want so much more for her. I tell Ani that it's not possible to fully tell her how much I love her, yet I am as one within my song and guitar when I use music to do so. I pray so often every day for Ani's healing, and try so hard to remain faithful when the answer is "not yet". I have very positive intuitions about Ani's future (and even Visions), yet too fearful to allow myself to believe and find peace in them.