There are times when it feels like the best part of me has been stolen, ripped away violently, My son, my daughter's expressiveness. I watch them on video with me and I wonder if I recognize myself. Would I know myself now? More than ever, I wonder why I am here. Why and how did I survive? How will I find the strength to go on? To serve my daughter? Love is strong, but sometimes it feels like despair wins. Like shadows during the day, I unwittingly let sadness prevail for a time. I let Ani's uncertain future cloud the way I look at her. My love for her is unfailing, it is my application that fails sometimes. How do I allow for myself when she is more important than me? I would still give myself up for her. I don't want to miss Ani's beauty because I find distractions. There are no easy answers, maybe the constant questioning can keep me going, keep me from giving in to her current condition and not expecting more from her. I know she hears me, and I need to keep her belief in herself, it's what I want most of all in this world.
-- Post From My iPhone
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