I hear these songs on KTIS, and they sing about the day that is coming for those who have Jesus as their savior.
Our tears will be wiped away.
Our fears will be erased.
"You see him again".
It doesn't seem to make the years ahead of me (without Nate) seem any shorter.
It doesn't seem to make the years of caring for Ani any easier.
I still feel all the same responsibilities (and I _should_) that I need to live up to here in this life.
I still have to maintain a level of discipline in managing details.
I would like some time where I could just walk around and not worry.
Some time where I didn't feel like I had to lead or manage details.
But even were I to be in that place, I would still probably think of them,
that's who I am.
I am still incredibly sorrowful to be separated from Nate, and to see Ani cry in pain.
I _AM_ happy for Nate to be in heaven, waiting for me, playing with my family that has passed before.
For some reason (probably Nate's 5th birthday coming up), it's been getting harder for me.
For some reason, the pain is just that much more intense.
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