I want to give the best of me, at every turn, to Ani and Christy.
There are times where I look back and think that the best times of my life are gone now. How do I not let that affect my relationships? It's so hard sometimes to be hopeful. I look at Ani's past pictures, I hear people talking about birthday parties with their child and I think that Ani may never have another birthday party like that again. Sometimes it feels like I spend so much time planning for Ani's future just in case she doesn't get drastically better that I start thinking she might not get better and I lose hope. I do NOT want Ani to end up in a nursing home when she's 50, not being able to get around and experience relationships, even if they're pretty much single ended. I want to know the future. I want to know that Ani won't just get parked in front of a TV all day, and not have somebody talk to her presuming that she understands. I want to know that somebody will "converse" with her, tell her that they believe in her, and that they love her.
Back to my point, I find it difficult sometimes to leave any negative presumptions or attitudes in the car and bring all the positive features I can possibly bring to Ani and Christy.
3 comments:
I remember when you worried about the negative presumptions inherent in buying a car that would be appropriate for her carseat, or planning the house for the accessibility. I think some of it is pragmatism and planning, not negativity, but I can see how that sort of thinking would bring you down.
Your burden is heavy~ planning for the worst and praying for the best is certainly a stressful place for you to be. To try to shrug off the stress is an incredible task indeed...
But, as I told you yesterday, it seems to me that Ani is making good gains. I am glad for that, both for her, and the hope it can continue to give you. We don't know when/where she will end up, and you and Christy are doing everything to guide her in the right direction. You should be proud of her successes and yours.
Our best is a challenge to excel
and a crushing burden to our souls
expecting more of ourselves is critical
to getting half-way to the goal
inevitably the other half involves
being forgiven for overreacting
Best can only be evaluated of the past.
Today we can only share what we have.
Expecting we can do more and better
responds to our uncertainty about ourselves.
Acceptance of our limitations
affirms love.
You are one of the most intelligent and caring persons that I have ever met, or ever hope to meet in my life.
While is it normal to plan for the future in all that you do, remember to not dwell too much on what is yet to come.
Treat every day like a blessing. Share your caring and your love with Ani and Christy and always keep your faith.
Take time out of every day to celebrate the many successes in Ani's recovery. Through the power of the Lord, there will be many along the way.
God bless.
Post a Comment