My last image of you.

Nate, what was my last image of you?
Did I see you after I shooed Ani toward Mommy?
I remember you at my right side, looking out the back window at Ani's swing set.
Wondering if it would need rebuilding again.
I remember you going around the other side of the couch when I went to the front window.
Why wasn't the couch against the wall? It was spring, no need for the fireplace anymore.
Why didn't you take the same way as me?
I saw it.
I yelled.
I shooed.
I turned around to get you...what then?
Within a second there was blackness.
Did I see you after I turned around?
Am I blocking the memory?
I remember blackness.
Blackness, rolling and tumbling like some evil waterfall.
I wish I had known to yell goodbye.
I hope you knew I was near you.
I hope you knew how much I loved, and still love you.
As complete as my life can ever become again here on Earth,
I can never achieve as much as I could have, were I still to be your father.