Tomorrow is two years...
What kind of reality do I live in?
It is at once a dream, a nightmare.
I accept parts of this reality
and deny others.
I have never actively denied history before.
I'm not always aware of my denial,
my heart tries to protect me.
Two years is the same as two seconds
without Nate.
I am so excited about new baby,
Lord give me new love for him,
May it never be affected by
my grief.
May I continue to smile when seeing little girls play on the playground,
and not cry over Ani's condition.
Lord what is Ani's purpose now?
Can it please be an example for faith?
An example to never give up?
Just to hold my hand out to her,
and have her run to me,
even wheelchair to me.
I pray with every fiber Lord,
Continue her healing,
Continue her learning,
Continue her joyous mood.
I love her without compulsion,
without reservation.
I want her life to be full,
when we are gone.
I am terrified that she would
be pidgeonholed or forgotten,
left to caretakers who didn't
know her before.
-- Post From My iPhone
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