One of my Christmas presents to Ani was that I would write her a poem every month.
Ani, by my heart, I live in two worlds.
In one world, I am firmly attached,
The other, I only visit.
The heights of joy and pride in you are with me always
Sometimes there is the twinge of guilt and sorrow.
The clouds come and there is a torrent.
Even though in the long run, the light is stronger,
The deluge mires me and dims my sight and senses.
Near you, though, it is the smell of lavender and the song of birds.
I wonder sometimes if it is my weakness or the raw strength of grief that transports me to a world I do not want to occupy.
The day of your birth is such an easy memory
Your voice through my memory still stirs my ears
My firmament is the knowledge that
I can hold you
I can see you
I can tell you I love you
I can rejoice in victories
I can be all I aspire to be, simply because I am your father.
