Reality ruminations.

What if reality is simply a set of relationships?
There is no distance unless you measure between two things.
There is no gravity unless there are two masses.
There is no love unless there are two personalities.
We are called to relationships.
Even our God is a relationship in and of the Trinity.
Our relationships are the source of our highest highs and lowest lows.
Losing a relationship, like losing Nate, feels like a strand of reality has been unravelled.


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God is...

God is love, but isn't smothering.
God advises, but doesn't force you.
God admonishes, but never condemns.
God answers prayers, but isn't a genie.
God always listens, but sometimes it's "No".
God's timing is perfect, our anticipation isn't.
God is involved, but doesn't interfere where he's not wanted.
God loves you, and loves it when you love Him back.

Inspired by some recent happenings..

Tumbling, serene.
Tumbling, horrific.
Blackness, silent, violent.
Which way is up?
I am hurt badly,
Ani, make a noise!
Make a noise for daddy!
No, Nate was right next to me!
Nate!
Nate!
Which way is up?
Living, horrific.


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Location:Tumbling

The day has come...

The day has come.
How heavy this day is.
I have now lived more time since your birth without you than with you.
It has not been easy.
It is the hardest thing I've ever done, to live without you,
second to that is my concern for your sister.
Oh Nate, daddy remembers you, daddy misses you, daddy wants to be with you.
God, help me keep Nate alive in Ani's heart and memory.
God, give me words to help me bring Nate to life and love in Micah's heart.
God, grant me a vision of Nate in heaven.
God, grant me a simple taste of how eternity with you and my loved ones dwarfs this meager existence here.
God, give my love to my son.

Wait, what?

This was in my head last night late, even before Bob's message.

God: No, no, wait, wait, you don't need to explain. I forgive you.
Me: No, you don't know what I've done I..
God: No, you don't understand, I do understand. Dude, I know everything and I still forgive you.
Me: Wait, what?
God: What "what"? I forgive you.
Me: Why?
God: Dude, my child, I love you.

Tell me...

If you have been reading my blog, you'll have seen that there's no logical pattern to its content. I tell you though, the content that _is_ there is really me. Probably more than my closest friends would have known. It has been very cathartic for me to be able to write this stuff down, and even more so to have it be read and have people pray for me. There are so many things I wrestle with daily.

Tell me what this blog has been for you. Has it spoken to you in some way? Has it made you cry? Has it made you laugh? Stylistically, has it been decent? Has my writing style and composition improved? Have I held back where you would have liked me to have gone further? Things kinda just hit me, and I write them down. If there are questions, I will answer.

Ask my wife, I relish feedback.


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