Pick me up...

"Wah": Pick me up.
"Wah": Pick me up.
I do so,
and hold him close
and start to sway
back and forth.
He quiets.
His breathing slows,
and melts into my neck.
Pat, pat,
rub, rub.
He's safe,
he looks around.
I hold him out a little,
and smile at him,
with my eyes,
with my soul.
He beams back at me,
and giggles a little.
I love being a daddy.

Sometimes, who am I?

There are times, where it is dark inside me, when I think about Ani's injury, and what has been denied to her. There are times when all my human inequities, failings, spite, anger and fears are directed at her injury. Who am I at these times? Do I recognize myself? I fight to never let this spill over into how I relate to Ani. Ani is _not_ her injury, but it is part of her right now. God help me to trust more in you rather than listen to my own fears.

What joy...

What joy, that I can be Micah's foundation.
What joy, that he finds such contentment.
What joy, that I can be what he sees when he looks in my eyes.
What joy, that Ani loves her new little brother.
What joy, that our house is no longer quiet (both Micah _and_ Ani!).
What joy, that this new little boy feels so safe and loved.
What joy, from a little boy.
How difficult I find it sometimes to write and feel these things, while holding on to Nate in my heart.

Ani's magical night

Ani was _so_ aware and animated last night. She was incredible, this was the best I've seen her since the "incident" (still difficult to use the "t" word). She was almost "guffaw-ing" at my jokes. She was looking around. I have no idea why this is so, but I think that maybe Ani has jumpstarted since getting back to school. Maybe she is more aware that she can communicate with her friends now.

Just occurred to me...

I don't know why it _just_ occurred to me now, but as I was praying for the yet-to-be-born daughter of my high school friend, I realized that my family's experience should make me _prayerful_, not _paranoid_. My experience could easily turn me into an over-protective, controlling daddy that wouldn't give Micah the room he needs to grow correctly. Children need to test the boundaries, physical/emotional/intellectual, or I don't believe they will be challenged such that they grow correctly. Through these things we, as parents, are given opportunities to teach them God's word and wisdom.

I love my brother and sister-in-law's parenting. This past weekend, we were out camping, and we went on a hike. They let their children climb all over the rocks, and were watching, but not interfering. Watching them would "catch at my heart" a few times, and I knew that it bothered my father-in-law more than I. However, I know that they are praying for their kids, and are letting them experience the wonders of God's creation. Later that night, around the campfire, they very matter-of-factly told their youngest that it was his bedtime, and they should be getting along to their campsite. I love their handling of different situations, and pray for their "patient strength" in my own life.