Beautiful,
You're so beautiful, Ani.
When you look at me,
When you laugh,
When you sleep,
When you're in my arms,
When you eat some real food,
When you enjoy your walk,
When you vocalize for "ah-ah game".

Last night's devotion

So, yesterday I was feeling quite overwhelmed with how beautiful and perfect Ani is on the outside, but it hides this horrible injury on the inside.
Anyway, later on, when I was doing devotions with her, her devotion was about God knowing our path and having plans. Here's what I had her say (I move her mouth, she smiles while I do this): "God, I don't know what I will be, I just know you'll be with me". Amazing how that happened to be the devotion for last night. I so desparately want her to have a fuller life, and I pray for this all the time.

Blessings, please

Oh God,
bless us and bless Ani with the ability to speak again.
To tell us what she wants, or what hurts.
Let us serve her better.
Bless us with an expansion to our family.
We have so much love to give,
it hurts to not be able to express it.
Give us more strength to be able to persevere,
though we know there are more heartaches remaining
in our time on this world.
Give us another example, even small, of Ani's healing,
a glimpse to allow us to plan for her future care.

A dream

Oh God,
I cry until no more tears fall,
and still, so deep is my sorrow,
so much do I miss my son.
I had a dream last night,
where my son was taken from me
for some reason.
He was held behind some food court counter,
when he saw me, he knew me, and ran to me.
My tears fall freely again when I think of his hug.

How beautiful...

How beautiful, in dance, is a child.
Where bouncing hair is the essence of joy.
How interesting, in voice, is a child.
Where a squeal can never be expressed with words.
How endearing, in hugs, is a child.
Where a bear hug is an expression of love, not strength.
How humbling, in a look, is a child.
Where their gaze is of complete confidence in you.
How graceful, in spirit, is a child.
Where "I do" is the norm, not "I can't".
How undeserved, as a gift, is a child.
When God gives you this incredible package.

I'm weak, help me.

Oh God, help me be strong.
Please let there be more words from Ani.
Please let her healing be more obvious.
I'm weak, I want bigger, more noticable advances.
Show me more of her will, her spirit.
Show me her volition, not just her responses.
Thank you for her laughter.
Show me her anger, I can handle it. I welcome it.
I see her strength, make sure she knows it.
We are small, but lift her up.
Oh God, show me a glimpse of her future.
I will serve her all my days, but I want her to be able to tell me what to do.