I give him up to you

God, I give this to you,
that of my son.
I give you a most treasured and precious possession,
that of my responsibilities,
my duties,
my service towards Nate.
I give his care into your hands.
This pushes my heart to its limit.
I have felt so guilty, so sad, so heavy,
not being able to care for him.
I have jealously held on to it,
and not let anyone take it away from me.
And this action has not gone well for me.
This is not something parents are supposed to do.
I consciously decided to be a parent to this child,
and I do not give this up lightly.
I do not forget him.
I do not stop loving him.
God, that which you had given me on his birth,
I find so difficult to give back.
God, give me now the peace in knowing
that you are taking care of him,
and that I'll see him again.