Hiding my tears

I hide my tears a lot.
As much as I say that "Life's too short to not share how you're feeling", I still hide my tears.
Men aren't allowed to be vulnerable. Why? I wish my Mom were still here to talk to, to comfort me. If men could be vulnerable,
and allowed to be comforted, would there be less violence in our history?
I hide my tears from my wife.
Just tonight, we were putting decorations on the tree, and I realized just how much Ani can't interact.
I had here there with us to watch, to be incorporated, but she still has lost so much.
I can't hide my tears from her, not any more. I whispered in her ear, and put an ornament in her hand, just so she could feel it, and I
told her just how sorry I was she couldn't physically participate. Perhaps next year she'll have an augmentative speech device, and she
can direct me to where she wants me to put ornaments. THAT WOULD BE AWESOME!
Sometimes I hide my tears from myself, maybe that's how they sneak up on me in the car. Maybe the tears are always there, just waiting
to be triggered.