Part of my pain...

I think maybe part of my pain over the loss of Nate is that it feels like I'm not doing my duty to take care of him.  I still find myself planning parts of my day in my head to take care of him, get him up from his nap, etc.  All I ever wanted to do is to serve Christy, Ani and Nate.  Now I can't serve Nate.  Nate's in a place where he doesn't need serving, but that doesn't help me when I can't do anything for him.  Oh, my son, I miss you.