I do see things in Ani now and then that give me excitement and hope, but sometimes it's hard to hold on to the good things, and easy to fixate on the bad things. I grieve not only for Nate every day, but also for Ani's loss of capabilities.
Saturday, October 18, 2008
Hard week
This has been a hard week. First, finding out about Ani's seizures, then her tube procedure and how uncomfortable (and urpy) she's been since. Christy was pretty down on Weds and it's kinda kept going with me since then. My girl is so beautiful, it's hard to accept an invisible injury. Sometimes I'm afraid what will happen to my faith if Ani is not healed per our prayers. It's not like I'm praying for a DVD player or something, and I understand that sometimes the answer is either "No" or "Not now". But how can I not hope for so much more for my child? I want her to grow and change and learn, and I pray for that all the time. Seeing her uncomfortable and hearing her cry when she gets a tummy bubble is just exhausting, physically, emotional and spiritually. I'll get through, it's just not an easy or enjoyable ride. It really is a one-foot-in-front-of-the-other kind of thing now.
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When Eddie was first diagnosed, Wendy and I received what was perhaps the best advice that we ever have received.
One of Eddie's doctors encouraged us to follow this simple advice. Looking back, this advice saved my marriage, family and sanity and I believe that it will help you and Christy as well.
The doctor said, "With children with challenges like Eddie, you need to learn to live one day at a time. You need to live every day like it is a blessing. Learn to celebrate the little things because the big things may happen in small pieces over a long period of time."
While I was unsure in the beginning, I can now provide testimony to the strength of this simple advice. We now find many ways to have little family celebrations.
Treat Every day with Ani as a blessing. Celebrate every success, and persevere through the difficult times.
Let your faith guide you.
God Bless.
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